The pain is overwhelming! Have I been fooling myself?

Hello I feel bad for you , but I would say leave it along. The main reason that I say this is, you said he knows how to contact you and has been able to for quite some time. I will not go so far as to say there must be some one else because there could be a million things that could have went a little wrong. But I would not use the other information, simply because he did not give it to you. You may not like who or what on the other end of the line. And seems like he would have given you that information if he had wanted you to have this.get rid of the new infor.and go on, if there was any feeling or respect for you from this guy then he will contact you ,but in the mean time keep busy and enjoy your son I wish the two of you very very happy holidays hon.